I'm looking for the end...

"whats the worst thing i could say
things are better if i stay
so long and good night..."

"i'm breaking out. last chance to lose control.
i feel my heart implode. i feel my faith erode..."

"somehow it's different everyday, in some ways it never fades away, seems like it's never gonna change..."

i know....... "I can do this on my own. And if I fall I'll take it all. It's so easy after all... "

right from the morning, i was so feeling so tensed through the conversation i had with her... it was... i cant describe it... then the whole day of shit continues... anyway i return my blog for... i dont know... usedchemical.blogspot.com is still under usage though.. fuck it. i'm feeling really bad now. bad as in... i dont know... i just feel sad...


if i were to have a gun, i would have pointed it at my skull and pulled the trigger.

wasup peeps. having a great weekend doing projects or schoolwork? i didnt touch anything related to school. ok this is gonna be a short short entry. tomorrow there is german oral exam, ok we need to memorise the stuff to say, but i didnt too. i'm having a sore throat, and god damn it came at the wrong time. stupid bad luck seems to be with me. oral and then cs presentation the next... with a god damned sore throat. hallelujah~

in support of singapore's fight against drug taking... hmmm... lol.

this picture is being requested to be put up by kuanyi.

there came the rays of light
now the world became bright
what a magnificant sight
i've been thinking again
of how i've been living in vain
is pulling out that smile that hard?
does it really come from that mask
or is it delivered straight from the heart?
helping out a lot
does that earn respect?
or is it just plain stupidness that you can afford
you would ask for the purpose of this entry
but i couldnt answer thats for sure you see
hysteria, my new nick
i know it sounds like i'm sick
but no, its just another song with meaningful lyrics
how could i get myself so confused
i dont know again, maybe i'll have to have my thoughts sealed

today is super the sian. and now, i'm in the lab in school. theres indera, and xiwen beside me. i feel like shit. cuz its total boredom, and i havent have lunch. and now xiwen says she want to go home already. i never did make it to the wss class just now. i think i got debarred already cuz thats what those 2 gals told me. if so, i wouldnt care more, i will not go for wss next week then since my name have already been cancelled. so wss can kiss my ass. wahahaha. later got guitar, but i dont know if they all really want to go or not... but then ah, anything also can. also i haven do my com skills stuff. i think i might just skip tomorrows lesson. and stop staring at xiwen. so now, fucking off. cya in the next entry, and u guys, can come kiss my ass cuz its for free HAHAHA! so now, really really fucking off

dont understand this song, but it sounds nice


I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I want to break the spell
That you've created

You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You
Will be the death of me
Yeah, you
Will be the death of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted

Now that you know I'm trapped
Sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You
Will squeeze the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah no no nooo

Yeah, you
Will suck the life out of me

Bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

But our time is running out
But our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

How did it come to this?

Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Ooh ooh ooh yeah yeah no no nooo

well so long and.... didnt blog. havent been doing much the past few days. and then today school, german was shitty, got a cut on my foot from the table there.. what the hell the wound bleed for like around 20 minutes. lol. then went canteen. yay michelle was in school. hahaha, didnt predict wrong right? wahaha. then, blah blah blah, all the same things happen. went home alone after taking lunch with the guys. the train ride i had gotta be one of the longest i've ever been on, i dont know why also, just felt its moving really slow. hahaha. despite the long train ride, my mind was left blank, only music was accompanying me through the journey... maybe is cuz some people everytime say i think too much... wahaha.

today, i'm exceptionally unobservant about the people around me, couldnt care less about them. i find it difficult for me to smile today, i wonder. then, school was usual, other than its more lifeless. and then, reached home right after school, started to work on my dmd proj. then managed to catch only the last like 15 minutes of chase... grr....

so... i havent actually blogged for like 3 days? is it? i dont know haha. ok nvrmind so like that, previous days, forgotten abt them, cant remember what exactly happened. today, went to school, usual, then skept wss AGAin... omg... i'm starting to feel afraid... lol. then went talk talk listen music at mac there, then went guitar, yay finally a new song, sway. haha. nice. then got home, bath, then blog. wouldnt say much... metally and physically tired... badly...

these might really not make any sense to u, but unless u were me, u will not see the whole picture HAHA.

out of the blue, u want it, but where is it?
i felt sorry for u, hope they're doing well.
i've learnt abt relationship in the weirdest places, but nevertheless, its enlightening
that weird liver-like object by the stairs, who's gonna clean that up?!
soldier of fortune is faulty...
give me some more time. i still need to think
what and where are those things that i wanna hear?
its fine, just remember this friend is always around
what the crap is that!
D!!! noooo!!!

right right right. yesterday was project day for me. went out with sebas and ter to do mmc project. discussed a little bit, maybe for like an hour or 2. then started slacking again. but nvrmind, i've quite expected that so just have to go with the flow. haha. after that went to bukitbatok mac with ter, ate sundae, and talk talk talk until like 6 or something. out of a sudden, it occured to me that maybe i should ask ritar if doing bermuda triangle for the com skills project would be fine. msged her, but she only replied after tens of hours, which is today morning, and to my surprise, yes it really is, she accepted it. wahahaha so happy, it seemes like a shitty topic, but yet she took it. so thats for yesterday. today, school was as usual, got school like dont have cuz i dont pay attention to classes/lectures. then after that went play pool again... sian... then went home. projects are piling up but i still haven really got the mood to start on either one, seems like i'm gonna have a very hard time managing time later on. but... who cares about that... its still now hahahaa...

hello, 1st of all,


so its been 2 days since i've blogged. thursday, i dont remember much about that day already... i think i remembered playing pool only... lol. then friday, yesterday, its dmd lab, and i was late for lesson. then blah blah blah the lesson went on and on until it ends, then ate the splash and decker's teriyaki chiken rice. quite nice. hahaa. then after that, went for comms skills. same thing happened, didnt pay attention in class. then watched a video. it seemed ancient. lol. then after school went to causeway point. do a little bit of walking around. then went home, put bag, then went to ps, met frends, then had dinner at fish and co, really burned a hole in my pocket. then walk around talking, chatting, haha. then got home at around 12. then bath, sleep, then today, dont know what to do. maybe i'll have to think about the comms skills topics that i have to do... and 1 last thing, i've said that the new blog template will be coming up soon, actually i'm having difficulties in figuring the flash part out, so its gonna take a while before its up. my apologies. lol

today... i dont know if i've just awaken from my dreams... nightmares or whatever... i started thinking about my secondary school frends... my best frends... i wish i can see them once more. i wish they are near. i dont know why... maybe its just my mind starting to get the thoughts out of hand again...